How does your teen respond when they make a mistake?
Key points
- “In a nutshell, self-compassion is really just learning to be your own best friend.”
- It’s important for teens to build sustainable emotional tools, rather than just go for quick boosts of self-esteem.
- Listen to this episode of Raising Teens in the player above or wherever you get your podcasts.
Are they their own harshest critic?
Raising Teens host Collett Smart chatted with Dr. Veya Seekis, a lecturer within the School of Applied Psychology at Griffith University, about the power of self-compassion in teens.
“In a nutshell, self-compassion is really just learning to be your own best friend,” Dr. Veya said.
It offers a beacon of hope and practical support. Developed and advocated by leaders in psychology like Dr. Veya, the concept of self-compassion emerges as a powerful tool to help teens cultivate resilience and emotional stability.
Understanding self-compassion for teens
According to Dr. Veya self-compassion is as simple as three steps:
- Recognising our own pain
- Understanding the universal nature of suffering
- Practicing kindness toward ourselves
These steps equip teens with skills to halt the spiral of negative emotions.
“When we’re being self-compassionate, we are acknowledging that we’re in pain,” she said.
“In a nutshell, self-compassion is really just learning to be your own best friend.”
“The second step is understanding that this pain is not unique to us; it’s a shared human experience.
“The third step is showing ourselves some kindness.”
This approach fundamentally alters how teens interact with their stressors.
Instead of allowing stress to balloon into unmanageable anxiety or depression, self-compassion helps regulate emotions by altering perceptions and reactions.
The difference between self-compassion and self esteem
“Self-esteem is about self-evaluation based on domains of interest, and it often fluctuates with success and failure,” Dr Veya said.
“What happens when we don’t experience that success?
“Our self-esteem drops.”
In contrast, self-compassion offers a stable foundation that doesn’t hinge on external achievements or peer validation.
“Self-compassion isn’t contingent on positive outcomes,” she said.
“It’s a strategy for managing negative emotions regardless of external circumstances.”
It’s important for teens to build sustainable emotional tools, rather than just go for quick boosts of self-esteem.
It’s important for teens to build sustainable emotional tools, rather than just go for quick boosts of self-esteem.
Having said that, there can be a correlation.
“We often find that self-compassion and self-esteem can be correlated,” Dr Veya said.
“If we do practise self-compassion, we find that our self-esteem will tend to increase as well.”
By practising self-compassion, teens learn to navigate setbacks gracefully, acknowledging that suffering is part of the human experience.
It also helps mitigate stress, prevents rumination, and may alleviate symptoms of anxiety and depression.
“It is an emotion regulation strategy,” Dr Veya said.
“In other words, it helps us in those moments when we’re feeling stressed, when we’ve experienced a disappointment or we’re just experiencing some pain.”
It all starts with us
As a parent, it can be difficult to know what to do in these situations, but Dr Veya advises that it all begins with the way we treat ourselves.
“If we show ourselves compassion, then we’re more likely to model that behavior and our children are more likely to then take on board some of those things that we do,” she said.
“We all know what it feels like to feel stressed.
“We all know what it feels like not to be able to manage our emotions.
“And we also all understand what it’s like to go through something really difficult.
“Nobody ever wants to stay in that place.”
Listen to this episode of Raising Teens in the player above, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Do you have a burning question? Send it through to Collett here.
Feature image: Photo by CanvaPro